My Bestie, My Bestbuddy, and Me

-->Muhammad farabi bin nizam, me

1) Must everyone be wonderring that, why and why my whatsapp's icon these two faces, wechat, twitter, instagram, blog,  as my profile picture. Am i right? Well the story is damn long and if i could tell you now even the next coming decades will not finished on talking and discussing it. 

2) Well this is my one and only one bestie. I have no other bestie besides him. I might have millions of friends but my bestie is only one and this is the one.

His full name is Muhammad Farabi Bin Nizam , born on 11th.september.1994 in kuala lumpur, Malaysia. Well i guess its enough for you to know him as a surface only because he is not available for anyone now and forever. Hahahaha. But wait, im serious ok..!!! LoL

3) I call my bestie with so many varieties of names. Sometimes i call farabi, sometimes i call bee, sometimes i call fara, sometimes but seldom to call fabii , and if at the whatsapp i call him something else which i dont want to share in here let only The God Almighty, my bestie and i knows it. HIKS. Hahahaha

4) Ok lah kan thats the only introduction of it well i havent finished yet. Waiittt...! ✋...!!! If you all follow my instagram at "muhdzaaed94" you will see various pictures that ive tagged him. And then i wrote few stories(mebi an essay) about  my bestie related or unrelatedly to the pictures. Hahaha sometimes you can see i "hashtagged" him as a "friend since placenta" or in malay language as "kawan sejak daripada uri lagi". Bahahahaha. Aipp...!!! dont and never ask me that, why i say that. Luls.

5) Honestly, like this i have met with so many peoples on earth whether foreigners, black, brown, white, albino, charcoal, malaysians, or what ever it is i never ever seen someone like my bestie. Yet he is still the best one for me. So happy to know him btw, if not im just gonna be such a forever alone. Luls

6) Let me i tell you, bestie is someone which you're so "clicked" with. You can be weirdo, you can say things, you can discuss and ask anything without any wrong. Well like my bestie and i, we have so many things similar and clicked together. I dont know lahh whether i self-indulgence, feeling-feeling myself or im on my weed or (SyokSendiri) but honestly its true. 

7) I, as someone who is so God thankfully to met my bestie in this earth, the one who i clicked with, someone that im so comfortable to say things and to do something ofcourse its normal i guess for me to feel jelous. Am i right? Its true kan?!!! Do you have a bestie? If you do then ofcourse you will feel jelous with your bestie am i right? Just maybe that i might probably overly jelous kot idk. LoL 

8) Well i honestly from deep inside i dont like when others tries to get closed to my bestie and suddently my paranoid mind comes and say this asshole surely tries to get my bestie and bla bla just named it right. Then, Tries to borrow my bestie's things like hello can you just go get yourself or go borrow from other peoples. The worst shit ever tries to share my bestie's foods like heyy go buy yourself laa asshole youre not poor since you have those expensive gadgets kan. Oh wait the other worst shit ever is that when some assholes from i dont know which jungle they came, and then enter to the my bestie's house and asked permission to have an overnight or they wants to "tumpang tidur". LOL. 

And bitch that asshole's house not that far just the next houses or next area go home laa asshole. Lol but ofcourse i wont say it to those asshole kannn... 

9) There's one day that ive called my bestie ,texted him but i got no reply. So i was damn fucking worried. And then i just left the house and go to my bestie's house. Guess what? I saw some assholes came to my bestie's house and the house was full of laughter. Can u imagine my body was acting in fully sympathetic, even when im on the way to my besties's house i swear i dont feel like im walking its just like my feets didnt touch the earth. But the moment when i came i saw laughter in the house. Hmmmmm :-/ ofcourse lah i asked my bestie "why didnt you pick up the fhone and reply my text?" And the answer was very simple " fhone on charging and i didnt hear it". Lols but yeahh since he is my bestie kann nothing much just to forgive easily even inside the heart you feels like a volcano mountain's eruptions kann. But thats the speciality that my family and my one bestie has. :)) 

10) well, back to the topic Bestie. My bestie is someone that i really care, like, love whatever just name it. For me my bestie is not just my bestie but more to my family, my flesh. Let me i tell you why i say i care, like, love and etc.? Why? Because my bestie who i truely trust from deep inside. Even certain things or story no one else knows except my bestie. Yup no one else knows not even my family. Because certain things i feels much more  comfortable to tell to my bestie rather than sharing it with my family itself.

11) Next, i always believed that my bestie is very special lah for me. You see im so fussy with cleanliness and bla bla but heyyy my bestie and i seemingly has no boundary. Hahaha i can share my drinks, my foods, my this and that just named it what? I can share everything and i dont mind because i feels so comfortable and i just dont mind. I swear to god for that.

12) Well, my family, my bestie are peoples that i dont have my ego to show. For me there's  no point for me to keep my ego when im with them. Am i right? I just keep my ego when im not with them. :)) huhuhu

13) You see, not all days the sun is shining bright am i right? As the malay idiom says "sedangkan lidah lagi tergigit" (even the teeth bites the tongue). Sometimes ofcourse lah its normal even within the family itself pon we had a little fight isnt it so does with my bestie. But somehow i dont think lah i had a fight with my bestie just that small-emo with certain things. 

14) Well whose not sad when you have an instict that other assholes tries to take your bestie away from you am i right? Selfies with a space of one mm between two shoulders, laugh together, text always more than i text my bestie, call  n videocall always more than i do, and many things, whose on earth not sad and emo kann..? Ofcourse lah i hate it, i hate it, i hate it, i hate to see it. I even overthinking about it sometimes. Hahaha . Ofcourse im gonna be sad as hell. Because  i honestly a loyal one to my bestie. I even gets angry when someone tries to say something about my bestie. My ears goes red and i will look at them with my side eyes just to show them that im angry. And i just left those asshole and in my heart says "fuck you". Hahahahaha its never be wrong okayyh. 

15) Well, before i stop for a while writing this entry i got one story to be shared. It was in egypt and its between my bestie and i. One day, i purposedly pretended to be emo. Yeah ive said it i pretended to emo without any single problem. Its just to see whether my bestie cares or not. Well what i was hoping was that my bestie he will come to me and ask me "are you ok?" Or "what happened to you?" Or "what's wrong with you?" Thats the idea..!!! Well.. You know laaaa those kind of questions kann. And what i thought was that he gonna come to me or my house and he gonna do something maybe treat me some foods and bla bla. So i just keep pretending that im in an emo state with my shit face and all those. Honestly ive done this so many times lol. Lets see whether it works or not. Lolol. And guess what! Fast guess it...!!! What he did was nothing. Yeah nothing..!!! Not even a move. 

16) yeahh tell me about it how stress i am at that time. And and i guess lah, i guess he even gets happier. He laughed alot(i heard). He seems to be so okay and yet just like nothing happened. I was so damn "bengang" but then i just keep pretending for days lols. Well what i thought was that something gonna heppend, he gonna text me or call me. And even after days nothing has changed lol. He even gets much happier and even took selfies with some assholes. So i was literally quite sad and a little bit frustrated lah at that time. And finally guess what?! The following week, i just came to him, talked normally, walked, tiffined at the cafe together, go to his house and i just act normally like nothing happened. Hahahahahahahahahaha . Sucks isnt ?! Yeah tell me about it. Just sucks. But what to do kann...? Thats him, my best-best-best-best-bestie's best attitude. Huhuhuhu hahahahaha maybe thats the weak side, but the good side of him waaaahhhh cant tell you, not enough papers n time to write for it.

17) At that time, in fact untill this time i always think that must be that my bestie  never care me laah even if im gone he's just gonna be a happy little human lol. Kidding. I know he's not right, right?! Hahahahahha 

18) just to add a little bit more at that time, my feelings was so "bengang" and i feels to skin-alive my bestie. Hahahahaha jkjkjk :)) ofcourse i wont lah. That's ridiculous. 

19) Well i always want to know what are the things that he always hates on me, hates about me, hates my doing. Oh btw he always hurts me by saying that i am pffftt anoyying and he wants me to changed. I knew it that im annoying, no doubt but well not to all, just with certain peoples. But as i said since we want someone in our life to stay we will always closed our eyes and forgive easily. Hehehehe 

20) ok lah since there're so many stories to be told . I guess just untill here for me writing this entry. We'll continue later. Stay tuned. Huhuhu

21) AND NEVER FORGET THAT MY BESTIE IS ALWAYS MINE,DONT GET CLOSED,TEXT,CALL OR DO ANYTHING WITH MY BESTIE. BECAUSE I SWEAR YOU WILL BE MY NEXT FOE..!!! AND YOU GONNA SHIT IN  YOUR PANTS!!! LOL HAHAHAHAHA 

(12th december 2014, 5.51pm)

Busy or Priority ?

1) Hmmm Busy or Priority? Intresting topic isn't it? Priority to who? What is the meaning of busy? And how about priority? Are they the same? Nope...!!! Absolutely nope...! 

2) Busy? Are you sure that youre busy? The whole day? I mean from dawn to dusk? Untill you dont even have a space for yourself to be free? Woww....Woww!!! Then u probably the busiest person ever in this world morethan either The President or Prime Minister.

3) By the way, is it true that you're busy? Or you just busy with this one particular person? While you have a million years to talk to others? Then you have to decide and ask your self again and again before you can give an appropriate reasons and answers.

3) Well honestly i dont think laah kan there's someone in this world who's so damn busy untill no time to text someone which who always wants to text you, calls you and telling some stories that i think that person wanted to share with you.

4) You know what?  Its actually like this, when you are bored to text with that one, you have no topic what to talk, when you feels everytime you talk to that one u got annoyyed, u dont have that feeling to talk, or you feels that this one person is so overly attached to u or perhaps u got stressed when u talk to this one Or maybe some other reasons which only you knows it or maybe with someone who you always talk to, knows it. LoL

5) Somehow, i dont really believed that when people say that they're busy 24/7. I think its more like you are so lazy to talk to and ofcourse its so inapprropriate to tell someone that you dont want to talk to them so you just go with late reply since you can read your latest notification from the screen of your fhone just in order to runaway from being detected as "seen/read". LoL ( dont think you're smart enough). Eventually, after decades you go and reply by saying that "im busy".

6) Again, Busy or Priority? Maybe the reality are that you annoyed or hate or lazy or whatever your feelings are. 

7) The way how i think is so simple. I strongly believed that if you set someone as your priority more than anything else even with your cheap busy reasons can be gone within seconds. Its true right?!

8) Hey but wait priority to someone? Who? Then you gonna have to ask yourself, your heart, your soul, your mind, and keep asking who is that one other than your family.

9) For me as in priority tab discussion,  

A) No one ofcourse family, 

B) Secondly, studies n future, 

C) Well thirdly , my bestfriend/ bestofrientico/ BFF/ or what ever you called for your bestfriend. (Sometimes my bestfriend is at second place and oftenly shifted between the second and third) Hahahaha. Only then comes the rest of the things kannn?! I can swear to you that if these people call me everyday, text me every second, whether its dawn or dusk needing my help, i will and whatever it is in this world i surely wont get mad/annoyed/ stressed/ hated / or whatever lah i wont. Im just happy honestly.

10) so 👆 up there, i guess i've stated clearly about what are the priority. Which i gave to my family,studies and my one bestfriend. I just doesn't care whether i have no time or have time, whether im hungry or full, whether im in deep lovely sleeping or in the insomnia state, i will always put them at the highest right above me. This is how i managed , how i set things. :)) 

11) So, for those who always giving off reasons this and that i guess you're just simply wasting your time. Just be a straight forward person, say it what you feels, what you need to say without taking care of what others feels, because you have to live life to the fullest kann, just say it. 

12) Oh yeah ofcourse never forget that, in this beautiful life there will be an asshole which i belived that this asshole didnt do well in relationship or in his fucking life and he starts contacting someone's special or else and tries to say things which will make you separated or a little bit spacey than someone you should get closed to. And funny this asshole he starts to know some secrets and talking bad about someone or others. 

13) My hope, choose whether are you really busy or you just stop and dont give the priority u used to give. 

-mza-

IT'S ALWAYS YOU . . .

When i think of you,

My little mind and thoughts gets started, 

Never know why,

Ive tried to know it why,

But only my creator knows - The God Almighty,

Im jelous of other peoples, 

When thinking of you with them or ones, 

The one who might be replacing me, 

Me - im the one who's always waiting for you, 

Tiredness, annoyingness, boredom feelings that i never gets, 

Im jelous with the moon, 

The moon which sees you at night, 

Was it you alone,

Or someone else with you,

Because i want to see and be with you all nights,

Im jelous with the stars, 

The stars that makes you happy, 

You're happy when it glitters, 

Because i hoped no-one but me who set you with flying colours, 

Im jelous with the sun,

The sun which brights your days, 

Sees you during your days, 

Lucky The sun - luckiest , 

Kisses you fully and Left not even an inch on your body, 

Because i thought im the one,

Im jelous with your sheets, 

It Touches Every part of you when you fall asleep,

While i keep these close eyes on my empty pillow, 

Waiting for your weights to keep it warm, 

Because I thought im the one,

Im jelous with the water,
The Water which cleans you,
cleanses you,
It relaxes you from your hectic days,
Because i thought im the one,

Im jelous with your pillow,
It relaxes your head,
It makes you to loving it more the mornings you woke up,
You feels heavy to left it all alone - your pillow,
Because i thought im the one,

Im jelous with your mattress,
You always finds it great for yourself - clinomania,
Where you can forget all things,
Where u gets happy to see it,
Because i though im the one.

-mza-

YOU

I want to know how far can you runaway from me and giving off your reasons,

I want to know how long can you give off your reasons,

I want to know how long can you be for not talking to me,

I want to know how far can you live your life without me,

Eventually, i have seen you have had gone too far beyond my thoughts, 

But- And i'm still here the one who's waiting for you always.

-mza-

My Thoughts . . .

I thought that i'm the only one who miss you,
Might actually everyone else misses you too,

I thought that i'm the only one who think of you from dawn to dusk,
Might actually others does the same,

I thought that i'm the only one who have you deep in my heart,

Might actually everyone else having you deep in their hearts,

I thought that i'm the only one who want to talk to you everyday,
Might actually others feels the same things too,

I thought that i'm the only one who save our pictures together,
Might actually others are doing the same things,

I thought that i'm the only one who laughed like a silly when i remembered about how funny we were last time,

Might actually others does the same too,

I thought that i'm the only one who want you always,
Might actually everyone else does the same thing,

I thought that i'm the only one who feel insecure when it comes to you,
Might actually everyone else feels the same,

I thought that i'm the only one who get jealous when it comes to you,
Might actually everyone else gets the same things,

I thought that i'm the only one who scared to loose you,
Might actually everyone else scares too,

I thought that you are very special for me,
Might actually everyone else feels that you are very special for them,

I thought that i'm the only one who really care for you a lot,
Might actually everyone else does the same.



Well,

I thought that i'm very special for you,
Might actualy everyone around you are very special for you,

I thought that i'm the only one who you scared to loose,
Might actually you scared to loose for everyone,

I thought that i'm the best for you,
Might actually you take everyone around you are the best,

I thought that i'm the only one who you want to talk to always,
Might actually you want to talk to every others else always,

I thought that i'm the only one who you cared ,
Might actually u cared for everyone else,

I thought that i'm the only one who you miss,
Might actually you are missing for everyone else,

I thought that i'm the only one who you gave "kiss-emoticons",
Might actually you give to everyone else,

I thought that i'm the only one who you save our pictures together,
Might actually you are keeping everyone else's pictures.


What ever my thoughts and feelings are,
I will always be right here waiting and loyal to you where others will eventually leaves you.
I am asking my self where and what i am for you i found out that i should never ever think about that question ever. . .
I didnt know what are the reality and the truth, so im having my thoughts even though it hurts because i just cant take my mind off of you.


-mza-

That someone . . .

The sparks you ignites,

Made me to wonder my whole life,

Things that you thought nothing are really something to me,

I grow fonder on my way home today,

Half of the winston's blue box ive smoked,

In the train i was stil wondering,

Listen to my adele's musics as i always do,

I Reached home and lay down, lay down, i fall asleep

I saw you in my dream,

You was so happy,

I was talking to you but i didnt get the attention that i want instead you left me and had fun with your new one,

I was wondering inside my dream,

I woke up and cried,

Remembering you of how u being so special for me,

Im guessing that youre not having things like i do,

I cried not because of you laughed and getting happy,

But i was sad because im not the reason of yours,

And im just sad, ive tried to move on even after so long time,

Im still who i am. . .

I wish you always want me like i always want you

-mza-

Written on : Thursday, 15 January 2015, 6.00-6.45pm, an, Turkey. 

The Fonder

The time when im gone, 

The time where im not by your side, 

The time when I didn't contact you, 

To see whether you're chasing after me or not, 

I keep putting hopes, 

Sure you will come after me at any situation, 

Ive waited for times, 

Days to weeks, weeks to months, 

Summer to fall, winter to autumn, 

Keeping my hopes, 

Ive said things not to condemn you neither and away from the sense to detest and loathe you my dear babe, 

Its because i just want you so much and miss you as always, 

To make you realise that you have changed,

And youre just changed,

Im full of grief and grow fonder by days. 

-mza-

Written and drafted ; 1.17pm , in the train to Bahcelievler, friday 16th jan 2015

Cardiac Necrosis

Cardiac Necrosis 

When the cardiac dies,

When the cardiac no longer works as it used to be,

When the cardiac no longer pumping its best loving partner since in the womb-blood,

When the cardiac dies, 

Nothing that we can do,

Trying to save the cardiac organ, 

The major power of the body, 

Tries to give the cardiac it beats, 

When the cardiac dies,

Nothing we can do, 

Calling the best surgeon so save it, 

Sophisticated technology at the sides, 

When the cardiac dies,

Nothing we can do, 

Look up to the sky high above, 

Asking God The Almighty for help,

Save the heart for the last time of chance, 

Asking God The Almighty for help,

To have its life back together with the long love-blood, 

And the answer is,

Millions chances had given,

But that One stopped the cardiac itself, 

Does not take good care of it, 

When the time comes,

When injuries present on the cardiac, 

The heart stops as it used to be,

Its too late, 

Never ask the God Almighty why didn't help,  

Ask yourself what you have done before ask others. 

-mza-